The Pandemic, time to relax?

 According to an Education Week article, "Rising Numbers of Educators Say Pandemic is now blown out of proportion, Survey says." 

"... nearly 1 of every 3 educators surveyed last month expressed that view."

I have a tendency to hypervigilant. I blame my mother. She was a hypochondriac and would have likely walled herself into the house and requested me to deliver her groceries after, of course, sanitizing everything.

I am not that, but I do worry about students coming to school sick. It's the nature of the beast for some of them. School is important to them and they come sick or not. The other are students who can't seem to keep their masks on correctly, above the nose correctly. I haven't encountered one student who has been belligerent about pulling up their masks. Sometimes there is complaining, but they do it. And I usually either make a general comment about mask wearing or make eye contact and point to my mask and nose.

I appreciate that, they get it and reluctantly comply with the ask. Adults are, well, not so compliant. I went into Walmart the other day and saw family that ran the gamut from no mask to fully masked. It was entertaining and I really wanted to ask them for a picture, but I was afraid the guy would have a fit and I am not up for fits. I'll watch them on Facebook or TV, but not be a party to them in person.

Many educators and school staff are fully vaccinated. Some school staff have refused for whatever freedom of speech reason. I am fully vaccinated and I wear a mask. I am told you can still get the virus, just not as severe so I wear my mask. I have a hoard of masks. I went kind of crazy, after having difficulty getting cute ones early on in the Pandemic, I discovered a slew of cute ones and I have enough to wear one every day for at least a month.

I am more relaxed, just not totally just yet. 

Engaging Students and me

 This is my Achilles Heal, my rolling the stone up the hill endlessly. For over 30 years I have worked hard to know my content. I have paid 1000s of dollars for workshops, webinars, etc that my various admins would not pay for to learn about History. All kinds of History, I saw a course or a workshop that had History content that looked interesting, I took that course or workshop. I am still very very shy of a Masters degree, I've tried twice once in the mid 90's an Interdisciplinary Studies degree to combine my Language Arts and my Social Studies degrees, but I was too slow and the degree dissolved. So I began to focus on History only, History is my happy place. Recently actually attempting a Masters in American History, but my life upended, and I wasn't able to keep up the rigor needed. 

Back to engagement, my introverted nature is pathological. The Pandemic set me back decades. I felt very comfortable with the CDL format. Though I still had engagement issues. Of course other teachers keep telling me they had no clue if there were students behind those ubiquitous dots. But I was held to a standard developed before the shutdown and given little to no help from March 13, 2020 until the beginning of the 2020 2021 school year. No, even though they were out there, I didn't ask for help much at all. I went merrily along knowing in my heart that no matter what I did, I would not be coming back to my present district for 2021 2022 school year. Self-fulfilling, perhaps, but I was rarely told what I was doing right other than, "You really know your content." Yeah, I know that, I know more than you do you nut head. But content knowledge wasn't important, engagement was and I suck at it.  

On not "canceling" the Western literary canon

 In the Washington Post today, an opinion article by Cornel West and Jeremy Tate discuss Howard University's decision to dissolve its Classics Department. "Academia's continual campaign to disregard or neglect the classics is a sign of spiritual decay, moral decline and deep intellectual narrowness running amok in American culture." https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/04/19/cornel-west-howard-classics/

I have avoided the "classics" since leaving college over 30 years ago. I continue to have a bad attitude about the importance of reading old white dead guys' works. I do, however, agree with West and Tate that some of our greatest modern and historical activists read and learned from these men and for that reason they should still be taught. I am going to have to do some research to see what my iconic women read to see if they too, read the classics and learned and adapted those readings to fit into their world view.

West and Tate convince me that there is value in reading them, with this new airing of the importance of reading these works I may have to do a reread of some of them. Maybe, perhaps, still not enjoying reading dead white guys so we'll see.

On plans and glitches

 When a teacher is too sick to go to work, they have to make sub plans. I have tried to give sub plans that require more of my students than the sub. I don't know the competency of the sub coming in and having been a sub very early in my career, not knowing the subject can be problematic. Less so in the Social Studies than either Math or Science I think. Though that could be my illiteracy in those two subjects driving my opinion. 

I take far too much constructing lessons for a sub, which sometimes brings about an epiphany about how to move forward after I am back in the classroom. So that is a good consequence. The bad is that students will be poop heads when in the presence of a sub and that is most annoying and while, once I leave teaching at the end of this school year I won't sub, ever. My hope is to find my niche in another district and enjoy teaching again. 

I have not enjoyed teaching for about three years. Despite my conflicts with the teacher I worked with for my first 8 years I enjoyed teaching the students and the ability to teach content I thoroughly loved. As the content of what we were teaching began to shift I had my first year of not enjoying teaching. For the last two years I have been out of the environment I enjoyed teaching content I do not enjoy, or rather only enjoyed part of what I was to teach.

Musings on writing and not writing

 Here are my musings that I add to from time to time for my class. I will be editing some of these and then posting them here.

I have done a lot of writing, in theory. What? Well now that I am looking at unemployment after June,

I wake up in the middle of the night with thoughts of what’s next, what should I do? Should I move on

and embrace my social anxiety which is at the crux, in my opinion, of why I can’t seem to “really”

engage students? Or should I draw a line and stay the course of looking for a traditional position

and hope that the next district is more understanding of my anxiety?

So what does one do when told they are shitty they are a teacher, but have the content down cold?

Sort of a smack on the back of the head and a hand shake in one. I have spent a lot of time and money

getting to know my content, ok, not all the content. Economics does not interest me in the least, even

though I am learning as I am teaching it, oh wait, I don’t know how to teach and engage my students.

So now for the next 8 weeks I will be delivering content sort of like that teacher in

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, “Anyone, Anyone?”

I don’t have the energy for a Master’s Degree, I did try and I did learn lots, but my formatting sucked

and that just drained the fun out of the classes I was taking. I am thinking if I had worked on some

aspect of Education, like curriculum, that I might have made it through. But I chose American History

and formatting is Queen there. I do get it, citation of sources when you are writing about History is

important. Just look at what we have been living through the last four years. Oh and total lack of

understanding of Geography and that territories like Guam are a part of the United States, not foreign

countries. Oh that Majorie Taylor Greene makes me want to barf every time

I see her or hear her words in print.

Write about what you know, what you are passionate about.

I am sort of sick of hearing the word passion attached to careers or jobs.

But I understand that writing about something you could care less about,

like Economics Education, could be a trial and tribulation and

if I had been given the grace of a contract renewal I may have

dug into Economics and how it is taught today with enthusiasm.

Because how it is being taught and how those teachers who love Economics

talk about it being so important is well, IMHO, wearing blinders on.

Do students really need to know what the four factors of production are?

The Three Basic Economic Questions?

What a Circular Flow Model is and how different it looks depending on

what economy you are looking at is?

Does knowing these concepts help students understand the world?

Maybe, it does help me as I am looking at scholarly articles about history.

What do students need to know? My two co teachers think stocks are an important aspect

of Financial Literacy, I don’t. I feel that Financial Literacy is the key to more success than 

you would have without it. Sure stocks can be a part of that, but shouldn’t you be able to

balance a budget first? Shouldn’t you feed and clothe yourself and your family first?

Buying and selling stocks comes after all of that, after you have the leftover funds to experiment

with stocks. Stocks should not go at the top of your budget, meaning you shouldn’t say,

“OK I will put $100 towards stocks this month. If I have to short my rent that’s ok,

I’ll catch up next month.” Not that my co teachers say that is an option,

but when they assign students to track and buy stocks for pretend it makes some

students feel that buying stocks is an important budgetary item. 

As I sit here, monitoring a summative assessment, a student asks,

“when dose spring brake start?” This is a student who comes occasionally and

then comes to the unit assessment unprepared and wants to know when “spring brake,” is.

Because that is at the top of his educational budget.

All the students know they can’t get any lower than 50% on summative assessments,

even if they don’t even try to take the assessment. I’m not sure what we are teaching students?

I know that giving them this kind of grace is not going to help them in the future. 

Gov. DeSantis of Florida is saying Florida’s new Civics mandate will not include

Critical Racial Theory or teaching students to hate America. I am glad I don’t live in Florida

and I am sad for those Civics teachers who are now constrained from giving their students all

the tools to become and practice being and educated citizen. Florida did give felons the

right to vote and is looking at giving them all of their civil rights back. Though I am wondering

if they think Florida prisons are populated by White Supremacists so giving their voting and

civil rights back will give racism a boost in Florida?

Unpacking racism and intolerance in my community is a difficult proposition.

On the one hand I receive an email about student saying she is now identifying as transgender

and her name is now “Marcia” and she wants us to use the pronouns they/their and she/her.

On the other hand she must use the nongendered bathrooms, which means the staff bathrooms. I am happy “Marcia” feels safe enough to tell us this and I am even more happy that the

high school has quickly changed her name from Mike to Marcia in PowerSchool which changes

it in Classroom and Google Meets. We are recently, Tuesday, back full time in person and

I had the students update their introductory What’s My Name slide that I assigned the first week

of the semester. Marcia was brave enough to add this to her slide,

Many people have complimented my outfit when I dressed androgynously

and I have been sure to thank themShe also defined androgynous in class. Very brave of her.

I am sad that a student I had last semester was not as confident about revealing themselves

to their family or the school, other than specific teachers they trusted to know and remain silent.

I have just learned that this student has decided to go back her “given” name

and now has gone back to identifying as female. 

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis(R) on Wednesday unveiled his proposal for a civics education curriculum in the state,

emphasizing it will “expressly exclude” critical race theory.

“A high-quality education begins with a high-quality curriculum, which is why we’re going

to be laser-focused on developing the best possible civics instruction standards,”

DeSantis said at a press conference.

“Florida civics curriculum will incorporate foundational concepts with the best materials,

and it will expressly exclude unsanctioned narratives like critical race theory and other

unsubstantiated theories,” he added.

DeSantis said there is “no room in our classrooms for things like critical race theory,”

adding that “teaching kids to hate their country and to hate each other is not worth

one red cent of taxpayer money.”

He said the state will instead invest in “actual, solid, true curriculum” and will be a

“leader in the development and implementation of a world-class civics education.”

https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/543742-desantis-says-florida-school-curriculum-will-expressly-exclude-critical (3/20/2021)

“Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) on Wednesday unveiled his proposal for a civics education

curriculum in the state, emphasizing it will “expressly exclude” critical race theory.”

3/16

Back in person for four days and I am not exhausted as the students interestingly enough.

I gave no new assignments this week and I gave students time in class to catch up,

something I had hoped would happen the week before spring break. But no, not only are

some not utilizing the time wisely, as I expected, they are acting like middle schoolers,

yes, the guys, the young ladies are doing fine and just trying to get through the days and

weeks and graduate. 

3rd period, what am I going to do with you? 35 of you so once I move the problem children

around I will also have to move those students are doing their best. Which really annoys.

35, I would never have had 35 if we were in person from the beginning of the school year,

I have 36 desks so to move without disruption to other is impossible. 3 ft apart, that’s

3ft from the desk center to desk center. Make me long for virtual learning, I could just kick

them out of the Meet as soon as the disruptions started. Argh. 

Today

Such a beautiful day. Maybe once my granddog arrives so his dads can take the weekend

and celebrate the 3rd anniversary of one his dad’s successful heart surgery we will go for

a drive. Anubis, one of the most loving dogs that is not mine that I have met. He is a trained support dog, well sort of almost fully trained. He is six, I think, he has a bit of stranger

aggression issue, hence my statement that he is “almost fully trained.” I wish I had the

money to adopt and have someone train a support dog for me. Not sure that anxiety is

support dog worthy. 

Carving out time for writing is still difficult for me.

There is always something “more important” to do than waste my time writing.

Yes, Family most importantly, my mother specifically I have let hold me back.

My mother died in 1995 and she still influences me. I have never felt the need to impress

her, just always felt that I was a disappointment to her. She was not a touchy feely woman,

though after she died and my father gave me photograph albums I found out that she was

bit of a social buttlerfly, not flitting about, but involved in the doings of Salem and with the

movers and shakers of my hometown. 

Oh my two years since my last post

That title sounds like I am in confession. Feels like confession just a bit. I am trying to get into writing, I am trying to write more. I will hopefully write more. I am in an actual writing for publication class. I paid the tuition fee because I was hoping to rekindle my writing. It is working, slowly, ever so slowly. So here is my attempt to break out of my frozen state.

I am frozen

I can move and talk but I am still frozen

I reach for words to teach lessons to students

Some are also frozen and can hear as I talk, but don’t seem to internalize even the most mundane of words and phrases

We are frozen, Sometimes we thaw, but not for long

Some of my students say they are just done with all of it, ready to go back to normal

But what is normal? My normal is not their individual normals. 

I sit frozen with my mask on as I teach virtually

I stand frozen with my mask on as I teach in person

Why aren’t you engaging the students, why … can’t … you … engage … them?

I sit frozen as I listen to the evaluation that will lead to no longer teaching here

I am frozen

I sit on my couch frozen teary-eyed watching my old Emma move about the apartment slowly and deliberately. Blind as the proverbial bat, but without the sonar to help her navigate. 

I sit frozen watching Emma try to stand up, try to walk, try to move about without walking into obstacles.

I do not move the obstacles in the hope that she can get the routine of the apartment and navigate without the sonar that all of my other blind dogs seemed to have had.

I sit frozen as she pees or poops and then falls into it because she is losing the ability to use her back legs. 

I sit frozen as I make the decision that this is how she is telling me it is time. Just like her to be so ambiguous. My other dogs, blind or not, looked me straight in the eyes and told me, “My companion it is time.” Their eyes saying it, “I have lived a long and happy life.” 

Am I frozen?

The world, or at least my small part of it, doesn’t likely see it unless they know me. I see the ads on TV and memes illustrating how people like me, with depression and/or anxiety, present a relaxed/happy public face to others. 

So while I feel frozen in place, others do not see me that way. 

Todd, my neighbor, sees and mentions it to me when we have gone shopping over the last year. 

He sees the freeze I try to conceal. 

His empathy helps most times. But I am still frozen.

To thaw the freeze I need to get out more, not with people just yet, but maybe hikes alone or perhaps I can borrow Anubis. Anubis is always so delighted to see me.

Anubis thaws me.