June 16th of 2021 was my last at Hermiston High School. Also, the last day of what could be my last teaching position. At 64, I am too young to retire fully. Too young for Medicare/Medicaid. Too old, in my mind to go back to a profession that has told me that I can't teach. Ok, they never said I can't teach, just that I cant' engage students. I do not disagree with that, especially when I am teaching a subject, Economics, that I find anachronistic. I did find some of the things within Economics interesting and I see how knowing some things could students in their coming years understand how dependence on a a free market system can hurt the 99%. But teach it in that way and you could get a slap from your administration, trust me. Of course I live and taught in a MAGA central part of my state which stays ever so red, despite the light to dark blue rest of the state. That is a battle cry of this side of my state, impeach our liberal Governor, impeach Biden, restore the order that was dictated by the former President.
I was always open with my students, I'm a Democrat, though in many things I am a bit more moderate than many. Is that a circumstance of my birth? I am a Libra, lady justice, or maybe more rightly the lady of balance. I was teaching CRT (Critical Racial Theory) before it became the mantra of evil by conservatives. I still believe my lack of engagement of my students was the excuse, though my attempt at balance in teaching Civics was the real reason. Can't really say that teaching truth is reason for dismissal. Well, not in my state anyway.
Here I am 5 months out and still I haven't found the position that calls to me. I am too old to take a position in a district where I am not really wanted. There are many positions available because of teacher burnout, but do I want a position in a district that would do that to its faithful teachers? In my previous post, 5 months ago, I listed a variety things that cause teachers to leave. My former district lost many teachers because of its lack of care for teachers either pregnant or with small children. Other reasons as well, maybe because they couldn't engage their students. But speculation is rumor without facts and I love me some compelling facts. I have none, other than those that involve me. And I can make a guess that our facts about my dismissal are not agreed upon.
As my retirement nest egg dwindles I am looking at my options. I really think research is my area of expertise. I suck at the presentation, on that I agree with my former district. My anxiety in crowds and meeting new people is crippling. COVID hasn't helped me one bit, though I still think I was ok in CDL and just as good as many of my colleagues, according to them. But I am not a coach, all of my colleagues in my department are and the person who was hired to replace me is also a coach. Ok, he didn't take my job technically, my colleague who was teaching US History, moved into my Civics/Economics position and the new guy got his job. The irony here, is that when I was told I being involuntarily transferred I said I had never taught in regular classroom, always alternative ed, and that I had never taught Economics. At the time I was working on a Masters in American History. My theory is that they were hoping I would resign and move on to another position. They were caught and well when they looked closer at me, they saw someone who didn't do well in a regular classroom setting and began looking for a way to get me out. This could all be paranoia on my part, but I do know I struggled daily with just coming to work each morning for two years, because of my anxiety and the help I was getting from coaches wasn't geared to making me better at engagement, but at preparing lesson plans which they believed would make me a better teacher. My saying this is really hard for me was translated as you need to tighter lesson plans, post your learning goals so that students know what they are learning and adults coming in know what you are teaching. I was sick more in the two years I was teaching in a regular classroom, than I was in the last 7 years. Exposure to twice as many students notwithstanding, anxiety and my inability to get through it was the reason.
I am trudging on ever so slowly and hopefully there will be something somewhere for me to settle into.
