Sunday, February 15, 2015

Life and Harry Potter

I have loved Harry Potter since I forced myself to read the first book at the urging of a student. At 57 I still love it. Exactly why as really never alluded me, I love magic, magical things, and the fight of good over evil. Tonight I have discovered one more thing that makes me watch the films again and again: Harry's friends and allies. Harry is a lucky man having allies who come to help despite what may happen to them. While I don't have friends or allies to begin with, I don't really want any I may have and don't know about to sacrifice for me, it is nice to have some out there. But I don't so my pity party is always attended by me.
I have no friends here outside of work and that really doesn't bother me all that much. Though lately I have found it ever more difficult to just get up in the mornings even when I actually have things I have to get done. I have no allies at work and I have to admit that this week I fell deeply into the pit of self pity and voiced what is better left unsaid.
I say I have no allies and that really isn't totally true. Leah is an ally, though one with little power and I am unwilling to allow her to say anything that might jeopardize her job. I think Shawnaci is just using her position as a holding point until her business gets into gear and that is fine because she is doing a good job despite all that Joseph is piling on her.
Joseph is getting his second assistant because can't seem to operate without two. I have to operate with just one. This week he told me I wouldn't be with only one person next year because we were getting a Math and Science teacher. Great, he gets a new teacher and a second assistant and I get a new teacher with my single assistant. That's fair. Or not.
This past week we were told our book list was not going to be supported, then Joseph had a talk with our Principal and now we are getting our book list. But my request for an iPad to use in class with the students has been denied again. Joseph says, maybe he should go with me and talk with the Principal about the iPad. Not a true ally when he always gets what he wants and I usually don't and when I do it is projected that it is a great concession and by implication I should be ever grateful.
I hate that this iPad request has made me bitter and extremely depressed. Every time I say my opinion I fear that I will get axed and I have no where to go. Kelsey and her family have trashed my home and she gets upset when I mention it so I essentially have no where to go. I don't even like going home and staying with them when I visit because of the mess. So I have decided when I do go home I will stay at a motel which will cost me a pretty penny and that is the price I pay I guess.
Also, I like Mrs. Norris. I love cats though I don't have one at the moment. I would have one if I could have three pets, but I can't and that is probably a good thing I guess. I won't become a cat lady again, but the restriction on the number of pets makes me want to find a house where I can have my dogs and at least one cat. But renting a house costs a lot of money and well I don't have a lot of money. If Kelsey helped me by paying rent so I could pay the property taxes then maybe I could rent a house. What I want more than anything is for my family to do well and not have to worry about money. If they had that, then I could also do well and not worry about money. We don't ever seem to get a break, though I have a fear that if they got the break the one who got it would be the one who got the break and the rest of us would have no benefit. Sorry that I wouldn't be falling over with happiness, but I am sick and tired of helping out and really getting nothing in return but the lie that I will be paid back. I have yet to be paid back, oh wait Kelsey paid me back once. Which is the problem her husband should be working at a real job, not a part time something or other that isn't steady and doesn't seem to help them out at all. Oh maybe he gets enough to pay for cigarettes and beer, but as of now I don't see any benefit for being Gary's handyman at all.
I am very bitter and I can't seem to get out of it, sigh. The beautiful weather should help, but isn't.

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