On not "canceling" the Western literary canon

 In the Washington Post today, an opinion article by Cornel West and Jeremy Tate discuss Howard University's decision to dissolve its Classics Department. "Academia's continual campaign to disregard or neglect the classics is a sign of spiritual decay, moral decline and deep intellectual narrowness running amok in American culture." https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/04/19/cornel-west-howard-classics/

I have avoided the "classics" since leaving college over 30 years ago. I continue to have a bad attitude about the importance of reading old white dead guys' works. I do, however, agree with West and Tate that some of our greatest modern and historical activists read and learned from these men and for that reason they should still be taught. I am going to have to do some research to see what my iconic women read to see if they too, read the classics and learned and adapted those readings to fit into their world view.

West and Tate convince me that there is value in reading them, with this new airing of the importance of reading these works I may have to do a reread of some of them. Maybe, perhaps, still not enjoying reading dead white guys so we'll see.

On plans and glitches

 When a teacher is too sick to go to work, they have to make sub plans. I have tried to give sub plans that require more of my students than the sub. I don't know the competency of the sub coming in and having been a sub very early in my career, not knowing the subject can be problematic. Less so in the Social Studies than either Math or Science I think. Though that could be my illiteracy in those two subjects driving my opinion. 

I take far too much constructing lessons for a sub, which sometimes brings about an epiphany about how to move forward after I am back in the classroom. So that is a good consequence. The bad is that students will be poop heads when in the presence of a sub and that is most annoying and while, once I leave teaching at the end of this school year I won't sub, ever. My hope is to find my niche in another district and enjoy teaching again. 

I have not enjoyed teaching for about three years. Despite my conflicts with the teacher I worked with for my first 8 years I enjoyed teaching the students and the ability to teach content I thoroughly loved. As the content of what we were teaching began to shift I had my first year of not enjoying teaching. For the last two years I have been out of the environment I enjoyed teaching content I do not enjoy, or rather only enjoyed part of what I was to teach.

Musings on writing and not writing

 Here are my musings that I add to from time to time for my class. I will be editing some of these and then posting them here.

I have done a lot of writing, in theory. What? Well now that I am looking at unemployment after June,

I wake up in the middle of the night with thoughts of what’s next, what should I do? Should I move on

and embrace my social anxiety which is at the crux, in my opinion, of why I can’t seem to “really”

engage students? Or should I draw a line and stay the course of looking for a traditional position

and hope that the next district is more understanding of my anxiety?

So what does one do when told they are shitty they are a teacher, but have the content down cold?

Sort of a smack on the back of the head and a hand shake in one. I have spent a lot of time and money

getting to know my content, ok, not all the content. Economics does not interest me in the least, even

though I am learning as I am teaching it, oh wait, I don’t know how to teach and engage my students.

So now for the next 8 weeks I will be delivering content sort of like that teacher in

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, “Anyone, Anyone?”

I don’t have the energy for a Master’s Degree, I did try and I did learn lots, but my formatting sucked

and that just drained the fun out of the classes I was taking. I am thinking if I had worked on some

aspect of Education, like curriculum, that I might have made it through. But I chose American History

and formatting is Queen there. I do get it, citation of sources when you are writing about History is

important. Just look at what we have been living through the last four years. Oh and total lack of

understanding of Geography and that territories like Guam are a part of the United States, not foreign

countries. Oh that Majorie Taylor Greene makes me want to barf every time

I see her or hear her words in print.

Write about what you know, what you are passionate about.

I am sort of sick of hearing the word passion attached to careers or jobs.

But I understand that writing about something you could care less about,

like Economics Education, could be a trial and tribulation and

if I had been given the grace of a contract renewal I may have

dug into Economics and how it is taught today with enthusiasm.

Because how it is being taught and how those teachers who love Economics

talk about it being so important is well, IMHO, wearing blinders on.

Do students really need to know what the four factors of production are?

The Three Basic Economic Questions?

What a Circular Flow Model is and how different it looks depending on

what economy you are looking at is?

Does knowing these concepts help students understand the world?

Maybe, it does help me as I am looking at scholarly articles about history.

What do students need to know? My two co teachers think stocks are an important aspect

of Financial Literacy, I don’t. I feel that Financial Literacy is the key to more success than 

you would have without it. Sure stocks can be a part of that, but shouldn’t you be able to

balance a budget first? Shouldn’t you feed and clothe yourself and your family first?

Buying and selling stocks comes after all of that, after you have the leftover funds to experiment

with stocks. Stocks should not go at the top of your budget, meaning you shouldn’t say,

“OK I will put $100 towards stocks this month. If I have to short my rent that’s ok,

I’ll catch up next month.” Not that my co teachers say that is an option,

but when they assign students to track and buy stocks for pretend it makes some

students feel that buying stocks is an important budgetary item. 

As I sit here, monitoring a summative assessment, a student asks,

“when dose spring brake start?” This is a student who comes occasionally and

then comes to the unit assessment unprepared and wants to know when “spring brake,” is.

Because that is at the top of his educational budget.

All the students know they can’t get any lower than 50% on summative assessments,

even if they don’t even try to take the assessment. I’m not sure what we are teaching students?

I know that giving them this kind of grace is not going to help them in the future. 

Gov. DeSantis of Florida is saying Florida’s new Civics mandate will not include

Critical Racial Theory or teaching students to hate America. I am glad I don’t live in Florida

and I am sad for those Civics teachers who are now constrained from giving their students all

the tools to become and practice being and educated citizen. Florida did give felons the

right to vote and is looking at giving them all of their civil rights back. Though I am wondering

if they think Florida prisons are populated by White Supremacists so giving their voting and

civil rights back will give racism a boost in Florida?

Unpacking racism and intolerance in my community is a difficult proposition.

On the one hand I receive an email about student saying she is now identifying as transgender

and her name is now “Marcia” and she wants us to use the pronouns they/their and she/her.

On the other hand she must use the nongendered bathrooms, which means the staff bathrooms. I am happy “Marcia” feels safe enough to tell us this and I am even more happy that the

high school has quickly changed her name from Mike to Marcia in PowerSchool which changes

it in Classroom and Google Meets. We are recently, Tuesday, back full time in person and

I had the students update their introductory What’s My Name slide that I assigned the first week

of the semester. Marcia was brave enough to add this to her slide,

Many people have complimented my outfit when I dressed androgynously

and I have been sure to thank themShe also defined androgynous in class. Very brave of her.

I am sad that a student I had last semester was not as confident about revealing themselves

to their family or the school, other than specific teachers they trusted to know and remain silent.

I have just learned that this student has decided to go back her “given” name

and now has gone back to identifying as female. 

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis(R) on Wednesday unveiled his proposal for a civics education curriculum in the state,

emphasizing it will “expressly exclude” critical race theory.

“A high-quality education begins with a high-quality curriculum, which is why we’re going

to be laser-focused on developing the best possible civics instruction standards,”

DeSantis said at a press conference.

“Florida civics curriculum will incorporate foundational concepts with the best materials,

and it will expressly exclude unsanctioned narratives like critical race theory and other

unsubstantiated theories,” he added.

DeSantis said there is “no room in our classrooms for things like critical race theory,”

adding that “teaching kids to hate their country and to hate each other is not worth

one red cent of taxpayer money.”

He said the state will instead invest in “actual, solid, true curriculum” and will be a

“leader in the development and implementation of a world-class civics education.”

https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/543742-desantis-says-florida-school-curriculum-will-expressly-exclude-critical (3/20/2021)

“Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) on Wednesday unveiled his proposal for a civics education

curriculum in the state, emphasizing it will “expressly exclude” critical race theory.”

3/16

Back in person for four days and I am not exhausted as the students interestingly enough.

I gave no new assignments this week and I gave students time in class to catch up,

something I had hoped would happen the week before spring break. But no, not only are

some not utilizing the time wisely, as I expected, they are acting like middle schoolers,

yes, the guys, the young ladies are doing fine and just trying to get through the days and

weeks and graduate. 

3rd period, what am I going to do with you? 35 of you so once I move the problem children

around I will also have to move those students are doing their best. Which really annoys.

35, I would never have had 35 if we were in person from the beginning of the school year,

I have 36 desks so to move without disruption to other is impossible. 3 ft apart, that’s

3ft from the desk center to desk center. Make me long for virtual learning, I could just kick

them out of the Meet as soon as the disruptions started. Argh. 

Today

Such a beautiful day. Maybe once my granddog arrives so his dads can take the weekend

and celebrate the 3rd anniversary of one his dad’s successful heart surgery we will go for

a drive. Anubis, one of the most loving dogs that is not mine that I have met. He is a trained support dog, well sort of almost fully trained. He is six, I think, he has a bit of stranger

aggression issue, hence my statement that he is “almost fully trained.” I wish I had the

money to adopt and have someone train a support dog for me. Not sure that anxiety is

support dog worthy. 

Carving out time for writing is still difficult for me.

There is always something “more important” to do than waste my time writing.

Yes, Family most importantly, my mother specifically I have let hold me back.

My mother died in 1995 and she still influences me. I have never felt the need to impress

her, just always felt that I was a disappointment to her. She was not a touchy feely woman,

though after she died and my father gave me photograph albums I found out that she was

bit of a social buttlerfly, not flitting about, but involved in the doings of Salem and with the

movers and shakers of my hometown. 

Oh my two years since my last post

That title sounds like I am in confession. Feels like confession just a bit. I am trying to get into writing, I am trying to write more. I will hopefully write more. I am in an actual writing for publication class. I paid the tuition fee because I was hoping to rekindle my writing. It is working, slowly, ever so slowly. So here is my attempt to break out of my frozen state.

I am frozen

I can move and talk but I am still frozen

I reach for words to teach lessons to students

Some are also frozen and can hear as I talk, but don’t seem to internalize even the most mundane of words and phrases

We are frozen, Sometimes we thaw, but not for long

Some of my students say they are just done with all of it, ready to go back to normal

But what is normal? My normal is not their individual normals. 

I sit frozen with my mask on as I teach virtually

I stand frozen with my mask on as I teach in person

Why aren’t you engaging the students, why … can’t … you … engage … them?

I sit frozen as I listen to the evaluation that will lead to no longer teaching here

I am frozen

I sit on my couch frozen teary-eyed watching my old Emma move about the apartment slowly and deliberately. Blind as the proverbial bat, but without the sonar to help her navigate. 

I sit frozen watching Emma try to stand up, try to walk, try to move about without walking into obstacles.

I do not move the obstacles in the hope that she can get the routine of the apartment and navigate without the sonar that all of my other blind dogs seemed to have had.

I sit frozen as she pees or poops and then falls into it because she is losing the ability to use her back legs. 

I sit frozen as I make the decision that this is how she is telling me it is time. Just like her to be so ambiguous. My other dogs, blind or not, looked me straight in the eyes and told me, “My companion it is time.” Their eyes saying it, “I have lived a long and happy life.” 

Am I frozen?

The world, or at least my small part of it, doesn’t likely see it unless they know me. I see the ads on TV and memes illustrating how people like me, with depression and/or anxiety, present a relaxed/happy public face to others. 

So while I feel frozen in place, others do not see me that way. 

Todd, my neighbor, sees and mentions it to me when we have gone shopping over the last year. 

He sees the freeze I try to conceal. 

His empathy helps most times. But I am still frozen.

To thaw the freeze I need to get out more, not with people just yet, but maybe hikes alone or perhaps I can borrow Anubis. Anubis is always so delighted to see me.

Anubis thaws me.

One year of change and now another

Approximately two months ago I get a call from my Principal to stop in before I leave for the day. Just like when I was a kid, which I was never called to the Principal's office, I had a fear of the office. Even as a teacher I still slip into near panic-mode. I go to the meeting and I am told my professional life will be changing next school year. I will now be teaching Civics and Econ. In the high school community teaching seniors is a big deal, a reward, for good teaching. So I don't see it as a reward.
My entire teaching career has been with at-risk youth, my calling so to speak.

Now I will be teaching in a "real" classroom with "regular" students. Something I have never done, except as a substitute back in the 90's. Yep the 90's. I am still scared shitless, in fact my entire life since then has been a wreck. It didn't help that I had to have my handsome man Mighty Mouse put to sleep on June 4th.

Two decisions are now making nearly impossible for me to move on with my professional life, that being two wonderful American History grad classes that I am nearly a month behind in. Do I contact my professors and see if I can recover and pass the classes or do I do as often do and just give the fuck up? I am running out of time, but I am still ambivalent.

Today, if he wakes the fuck up early enough, I will be going to some kind of lantern festival in Boise. A road trip that could be leisurely if Greg wakes the fuck up. I love leisurely drives. I am hoping the trip away from Hermiston will reignite me and I will get the job done of catching up.

So I sit here writing in my lame blog instead of working on the 6 papers that I should be writing.

Well life at school will be changing. My colleague of seven years has suddenly retired. Not totally surprising since he feels our program will be going the way of the dodo very soon. So if no one else abandons me, we will have two new staff in the ILC with me being the oldtimer. I will miss Joseph's expertise in finding speakers and other nonacademics that enhanced our students' lives.

I am finally digging into An Indigenous Peoples History of the United States by Roxanne Dunbar Ortiz. nearing the halfway mark and I am quickly running out of post it bookmarks. Learning so much, I have to thank James Loewen and Howard Zinn for recommending her book. It isn't that I thought Native Americans were treated well by the conquering white hoards, but it far worse than I could imagine. Ok, maybe not, but worse than I hoped. I also think my people may have been a part of the first wave of marauders to come to America. Ulster-Scots seem to fit into what Ancestry pinpoints as my ancestral origins. Reading about the Ulster-Scots caused me to take a quick look at one of my trees in Ancestry. My ancestors came to the Carolinas, the low country and spread out from there. I guess I will have to pay to find out more. I did find a few who fought for the blue in the Civil War, which is nice to see. Also a couple who fought in the war of 1812. Like my blog, I have a hard time spending a lot of time doing research on these ancestors.

On this July 4th, I find it a bit disconcerting about the posts lambasting thanking the troops. Also the friends on Facebook who counter my posts with fake news. I decided no response is best since you can't persuade someone who believes the fake stuff with a showering of facts or even a question about what they have posted. Facebook is an interesting place, I do try to post only what I have researched/checked for truth. Sometimes I make a booboo, buy mostly I think I am doing a good job of practicing what I will teaching in the Fall in regards to fact checking.

I am saddened that one of my go to historians Jared Diamond may not be as well-researched as I had thought. I always had an inkling his explanations were too simplistic and now as I read Dunbar-Ortiz I see where I went wrong in believing what he said about indigenous populations and their lack of "cargo." The indigenous definition of cargo before being conquered is far different than what the man on Papua, New Guinea asked of Diamond. "Why you white people have so much cargo, and we New Guineans have so little?" This was the phrase that sent Diamond on his quest, a quest tainted by a Eurocentric view of what cargo is and was. I have little problem with my views being smashed by facts and history. I love learning and someday I hope to set my learning into words. I guess this blog could be a step in that direction.

It has been awhile since i actually visited my blog. I don't know why I haven't taken the time to set my thoughts to words. I have never been a journaler and maybe that is why. I have friends who carve out time daily to write down their thoughts. I have never been that disciplined. I do have those moments that pop up in the wee hours of the morning where I have great thoughts, epiphanies even, and then I eventually fall asleep and those epiphanies seal themselves into a vault I don't have ready access to.
Here is hoping with my new tablet that I will begin to carve out time. My current passion is reading history, the history I wasn't taught even when I first started college those many many years ago. History is a passion because I don't know my history. it took me far too long from the time I received my original birth certificate to actually do a search on Ancestry. By the time I looked my birth mother had died. Mary Ruth Hoffman, my birth mom. I knew her name early on as I found an article in The Oregonian about a baby found in St. Mary's Catholic Church. That baby was me. I went on Ancestry and found names and photos. Then last year I did their DNA test and discovered, much to my daughter's dismay that my blood would make a White Supremacist proud. My childhood dream of being an Indian princess dashed. I then paid the extra fee to dig deeper and discovered that some branch of my family tree has Ale Hatfield in it. My people come from the Carolina lowlands, they fought on the wrong side of the Civil War and in the Revolutionary War. I traced them back to the 1700s, immigrants from England.
Now I have to decide to pay another fee to access records from England. Not so sure i want to do that. just yet. It's a fairly good racket, want to chase those green leaves around the world it will cost you more money.
My students are interested because I get excited about their history as much as mine. I have begun to ask them, "Do you see your face in our history books?" They sort of do, but mainly the history books tell the history of those who states will buy textbooks about. It's my job to find the books that tell their history. That's my plan for the coming school year. I have purchased several retired history textbooks and through my donorschoose project Knowing the Truth of history makes more powerful, four classroom sets of history books. Hopefully we will be able examine the textbooks and learn as we go.
Tomorrow same place, same time.... I hope.